Archive for September, 2007

My One Reason

Saturday, September 22nd, 2007

Here’s a short story I wrote for Ragnarok Online. Ciello and I were avid gamers then. I hope you guys enjoy reading it as much as I did writing it.

Today is finally the day. All
things I have done since, have been leading to today. All the blood,
sweat, and tears, all for this day. And, now that the time has come,
I feel a little funny, not joker funny but a little tingly and
apprehensive. I wonder why I hesitate. Is it because this may be the
end of things and the beginning of many more? I decide not to think
about it anymore. Else I’ll be pondering for the rest of the day.

I enter the castle and immediately
a light breeze blows through me. It smells of old books, rusty iron,
and oil, the one they use to wash blood off old armor pieces and
weapons. I look around and saw the walls all covered in moss and
hints of old magic. Here they still linger. For some reason the floor
mayhap is still as regal as the day it was made centuries ago. Lights
of flowing magic spew from the floor. Rainbow colors they are. Makes
you think a jester married a mage and decided to live here. Even from
the entrance you see from afar all the books shelved on the walls,
all of them as ancient as the place. Somehow, the place draws you
inside it. I feel a firm tug, not physical, but more spiritual. Above
all this, it sort of feels like you’re coming home.

I hesitate to go deeper inside the
castle. It doesn’t feel right if I just walked in and just did it.
Oddly enough, stepping inside this magnificent pile of bricks and
magic requires a little more reverence. I grab my saber’s scabbard on
my waist with my left hand in a silent salute. Paying respect to the
warriors and spell casters who walked these walls before me. Some
unknown force compelling me to do that. Melodramatic? I’ve been
through many battles, spilled blood, cut flesh and crushed bone.
Believe me, after going through all that, you will look at other
warriors with utmost respect and a sense of honor for having been in
their presence.   

I look down and see the old scar
on my left hand and instinctively reach for my temple, a matching
scar. Until today I still don’t know exactly how I got them. I only
know when; my first quest as a swordsman. The barracks asked for some
volunteers that day. Some spoiled son of a Lord had gotten himself
lost in the woods west of Prontera. What started as a search, ended
in many dead swordsmen and more stiff goblins. In the shade of trees
and bushes, we walked calling out the boy’s name. Then some cook of a
goblin jumped from a bush to my right and hacked off my bunkmate’s
arm with a solid swing from its axe. Other goblins started popping
out of nowhere. I survived that ambush. No honor in how I did it. A
sheet of metal from a chainmail came flying from the carnage and hit
me on the head with such force that it knocked me unconscious. As
they fell one by one, the carcasses of my mates covered me from the
onslaught. I woke up with a scar on my hand and an even bigger scar
on my forehead. Not to mention a splitting head ache.

Guess what. Turns out the little
noble we were supposed to rescue was nowhere near that place. He ran
away to his uncle in Geffen. If I had my way, I would have had his
noble blood all over the palace floor. Twelve good men died ‘cuz the
brat threw a tantrum. Nobles, all power, no compassion.

Believe it or not I’ve been asked
to pick some herbs from the Hidden Temple too. I never did like that
place but its the closest source of blue herbs from Prontera. Priests
use these herbs in training their acolytes. They said they would have
asked their acolytes to pick the herbs themselves but hell, it took
them too long. Hmmpfh! All prayer, no muscle. As everyone knew, I was
the guy who just doesn’t give a damn about his own safety. So I’m
always the one to be “volunteered” to go. A day in Hidden Temple
is a day filled with flywing usage, getting lost and a lot more
running. I remember one day I ran into Baphomet himself. That would
have been the death of me if I wasn’t able to luckily dodge his
scythe and used a butterfly wing. One of his many demonic kids got me
on the leg though. Almost through the bone, the healer said. I have a
scar from that wound too.

I was almost kicked out of the
barracks as well. I met someone in the tavern on my day-off. He
seemed a nice enough fellow. Always wore the same thing. Brown shorts
down to his knee, thick boots, white shirt and a dirty almost yellow
jacket; not to mention that stupid sakkat of his. He was a shady
fellow but had many stories to tell. People gave us looks as we
talked. Turns out he was a thief. He was using me to get near the
barracks. A week later, he stole the captain’s peco. I was blamed of
course. Fifteen lashes on my back, there in the fountain for everyone
to see. The Captain fought to keep me in the barracks for some
reason. I think he didn’t want his best “herb gatherer” gone.
Hell, I was his only herb gatherer.   

I led a carefree life you see, one
with no direction. I went where the barracks told me; some lackey for
those big bad armored knights. I never did want to be one of them. I
was happy just being a swordsman. No politics, no "honor bound"
duties. Every meal a banquet, every pay bag a fortune. Being alone
gave me that privilege. That’s what you do when you don’t have
anyone. Most of the time, you just don’t give a hell yeah, not even
for yourself. And I have the scars to prove it. 

All that changed the day I met
her. She was, as most acolytes are, bright-eyed and always gleeful.
Like Midgard is a playground filled with rainbows and sunshine. But
the first time I saw her was far from what I would soon get used to
regarding her demeanor. She was crying, her robes all in tatters. She
was half covered in blood, the other half in spilt blue potions. Her
mentor had died attempting to enter Glastheim. She followed her
mentor there without him knowing. I saw her sitting on the chair in
Prontera Chivalry as I was mopping the floor. Damn knights at times
would bring their pecos inside the building took me hours to clean
the claw prints. I couldn’t believe not one of these “gallant”
knights even cared to hand her a towel. I looked at her then and
every fiber in me cried as she did. All my being felt all that she
felt. Sorrow engulfed me as it did her. She looked up and starred at
me like she knew I was feeling her. I walked towards her, took off my
cheap tattered muffler and wiped her tears and the potion off her
face.

We became friends later. I
remember when she was buying flowers for the church south of the
city. I would pretend to be interested in items those knights sold
near the gift merchant. Too expensive for me of course. Hell, I don’t
even think I was strong enough to carry those things let alone afford
them. She would notice me, smile and wave. I would wave back,
supposedly gallant and unmoved. Little did I notice that I already
bought a +3 Double Vital Falchion! What a waste of hard earned pay. I
spent a month convincing people to buy it off me. Some red haired
swordsman from another company finally bought it. Sucker.

We saw each other frequently. She
would sneak out of the church and I from the barracks. We would meet
at the bridge going north of the city to the castles. We would talk
until daybreak with our bare feet dangling from the bridge over the
water. I will always remember how her eyes looked as the moonlight
hit them. And that smile of hers, slightly askewed, wholly beautiful,
brighter than the sunrise. I gave her a flower ring. One I picked up
from a verit in Morroc. I was very embarrassed but determined. That
was all I had.

This
for now.” I said.

More
than I could ask for.” She replied.

Later I was assigned in Luttie for
a while. My buds from the barracks who were once assigned there told
me it was a dream to work there. Nothing much to do. Just do your
patrols, get to your quarters and sleep. Nothing ever happens there
they say. Somewhat true, but a Pronteran like me never got used to
the cold. Strange, even my memories of her kept me warm. I wrote to
her every single day. People there even thought I had a wife waiting
for me back home. When I finally took the warp for Prontera, even
before the spell’s effect faded from my feet, she was there beside me
wrapping her arms around my neck, her cheeks planted on my
collarbone. Making all the cold days I longed for her in Luttie melt
away.

I took her to Payon when I was on
leave once. We decided to look for bitter herbs. She always wanted a
poporing pet. She even borrowed my sword to cut the plants. Out of
the aether a poison spore came at us. She dropped my sword in shock,
and me being unarmed, panicked. We both took turns punching the
lights out of that spore. After gaining our wits, we laughed our
lungs out. Her laugh is Valkyrie’s song, reviving my strength, giving
me joy. No angel could ever do that but her.    

Yes, of course we fell in love.
Nothing was the same after that. I have always wondered why I still
continue my pathetic existence despite my not giving a hoot about
life. She is the answer. I went on with life so fate could have us
meet. She made me care to take another breath. If only that breath
and all breaths after that, would be with her. No more “blue herb
boy” for the barracks.  No longer was I alone.

She always wanted to be a
priestess. I decided I would be beside her wherever she went. So I
decided to take the test and become a knight. It was the only way to
be with her. I took the test first. It was grueling. We were apart
for a whole fortnight. When I was handed my armor and coat-of-arms,
she was the first one to cheer. When her voice called out my name,
the feeling was indescribable. When she took the pilgrimage, I was
worried like an alchemist who used the wrong herb. I waited for days
witless and nervous. I had to stop myself from grabbing my gear and
going after her countless times. When she finally reached the city
gates, I was the one to see her to the church doors. When she took
the vow, I took it with her. We were never apart. We will never be
apart. Not if I can help it.

I am brought out of my thoughts by
a soft hand on my shoulder. I turn around and there she is. Smiling
at me, the way she always smiles at me, breathtaking. Her hair in
pig-tails and her Angel Wings moving ever so slightly in the breeze.
Her blue eyes brighter than any gemstone. The sun outside the
castle’s big open doors framing her gentle face.

"Are you ready?" she
asks.

I take her hand and kiss it. "Now
I am", I reply.

We walk further into the castle
hand in hand. I hope after this, things would still be as magical as
they are. When we do this I only have one wish. May the Gods take
away my scars as I start my new life. I wish to forget all my aimless
days. All I want to remember are all the moments with her. Yes, today
is the day, we both will be reborn.

Til next time mga kapatid!

Half A Love

Thursday, September 20th, 2007

Here’s a short one I wrote one very frustrated day. No need to ask why, I won’t tell you anyway.


People who marry for security or
perhaps marry since they know their partner loves them so much are
rarely happy. There is something to be said about two people mutually
falling in love. In my opinion, the reason why relationships fail is
because one of the two partners is not as committed to the
relationship as the other.

We have heard countless times the
statement “I love you but not as much as you love me.” We have
witnessed on several occasions couples breaking up for this reason,
that one loves the other greater. But, I do believe that there are no
degrees to love. There is no such thing as less love or more love.
There is only love.

Now what is the explanation for
the statement mentioned? They simply do not love their partner. This
is what I would like to call infatuation, stretched to its limits.
Many a time a person lets the words “I love you” fly without an
afterthought, at times without even considering its consequences.
Worse, they don’t even know what they just said. Afterwards they
take the statement back after a series of events with such statements
as “I just don’t love you that much” or “I love her more than
I love you.” and the ever so common “I love you but I’m not ‘in
love’ with you.”

Happiness in a relationship is
only achieved if both partners truly love each other. As said, there
are no degrees to love. So a couple in love with each other could
only end up happy no matter what event may transpire, again, as long
as they both love each other. This is all based on the assumption
that love is all that man needs. Why take this assumption? I take the
assumption because of one Man. There was a Man who lived for love,
lived to love, and lived on because of love.

To those who do not wish to adapt
a religious angle let us apply a scientific theory here; Kessler’s
theory of halves. A person can never get to a certain place if he
takes half way all the time. He moves halfway then half of that half,
then half of that second half. He in essence can never get to where
he wants since there are infinite halves. Leaving him longing for
something, never getting there, no matter how much he tries. It
requires the second person to go the other half. 

In conclusion, before you say “I
love you” be prepared to walk half the way, and I sincerely hope
that the person you say that to, will walk the other half.


Til next time! Enjoy!

A Nation Torn

Wednesday, September 19th, 2007

Here’s an example of an old short essay I wrote a long time ago during the EDSA 2 and the violent event notoriously known as EDSA 3. As I said in the disclaimer, this blog will contain articles such as these. This blog will serve as a depository of such.

A nation torn, a people split
apart, blood, tears, anger, hatred; these words prevail in the past
few hours of the events happening all over the Metro. Not only stones
are being thrown from one side to the other in the course of the
violence, but also the hopes of healing. For every rock flung to our
fellow man, we loose part of our humanity, part of our citizenship as
peaceful Filipinos. As we loose our humanity, we also let go of our
capacity to forgive.

We all know what this is about. We
are in the verge of social collapse, as I see it. Even if a new
government is put up or if the current government is retained, the
essence of our authority as a people over our own government, no
longer holds firm. The recent bloodshed and the property destruction
have proved that.

We are a lost people. Lost within
our own selfish desires as politicians and our failure to recognize
what is moral as common Filipinos. The lust for power has fueled our
so-called leaders to pollute the already faulty logic of our masses.
Time and time again the saying goes “power corrupts, absolute power
corrupts absolutely.” Power is defined as influence over another
and this is precisely what these politicians have demonstrated.

We are democratic. This government
is for the people or so is dictated. Most of our leaders seem to have
forgotten this important notion. They have taken advantage of our
confused populace and have driven them, intentionally or not, to
bloodlust and destruction.

The Filipino masses have problems.
This is a fact that cannot be denied ever since this nation declared
its independence. In the course of the events in the past several
months, these problems have risen from a simple yelp into a violent
war cry. This is the coal that our dear(?) leaders need to fuel the
fire of the Filipino people in order for their selfish locomotive to
be set to motion.

The EDSA shrine has always been a
symbol of peaceful protest. This is where bullets, tanks and stones
are countered with flowers, rosaries and sandwiches. The recent
atrocities have desecrated this icon of Filipino peaceful protest not
because the populace means to, but because they have been
“influenced” to do so. And, in their weak state, how could they
resist?   

Every
one of us has the capacity to initiate change, positive change,
within our nation. Every individual who participated in EDSA 1 and 2
proved that.  However each of us has the capability to degrade our
country’s well being, economically, politically and spiritually. It
is all in the matter of our deciding what path to follow, with the
aide (supposedly) of our leaders.

As a
citizen of birth in the Philippines, as a Filipino, as a UP student,
as a Christian, and lastly as a member of the human race, I am
appalled and enraged by the current events.

I
have only one question, a query that will hopefully be answered after
the fires have been extinguished and the wounds healed. What will
Epifanio de los Santos Avenue hold for our nation in the future?

Hope this reminds us of those dark days and NEVER let them transpire again.

Disclaimer

Wednesday, September 19th, 2007

I have always had a loathing for blogs. This is so because there are people who write such inconsequential thoughts in their blogs. For instance, "I ate a sandwich today and it tasted nice…", really is such a waste of good cyberspace. So this "blog" will serve the purpose of storing my writings on a plethora of subjects instead of becoming an online diary of day to day events.

This blog will also serve as a proxy for my website Wolfmind which is currently-and has been for a while- under construction.

Thank you and enjoy!